


Missy Goes Into Funland

by FujurPreux



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 03:49:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6640165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FujurPreux/pseuds/FujurPreux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Missy goes into Funland and meets Steven Universe, all thanks to some interdimensional jumping she did because she was bored. Spoilers for the end of Series 8 of Doctor Who and up to the Steven Universe episode 2x21 "Too Far"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Missy Goes Into Funland

Missy goes into the amusement park called Funland drawing uncomfortable looks from everyone around her, all thanks to her dress. The thick cloth makes it more appropriate for a colder climate, after all. Or would, if she was human. So she smiles left and right, putting her amusement to some use. 

Come say hello to the friendly, quirky alien woman, people! Talk to her about how to avoid heatstrokes!

The colorful town behind the giant statue made her roll her eyes when she arrived, but it didn't surprise her. Yet again, humans have found the best place to be protected from the same trouble they would've avoided if they had settled down anywhere else. On the other hand, their predictability across time and space provides comfort. They're an endless source of reliable grade A cannon fodder. Just add the right motivation. 

Although that alone doesn't account for why the Doctor keeps picking them up. While Missy knows in good part it's because he can't perform without an audience, the deep bond the old fool forms with his chosen ones is a centuries-old puzzle. Missy tried it before, even going all the way to marry What's-Her-Face. Not only because it benefited Harold Saxon's campaign but also to rub on the Doctor's face that the Master has always been better at commitment. But then the woman had to go and make herself a widow. Ah, well. Things happen. Besides, it made the Doctor cry, so it had been worth it.

However, the Doctor's compulsion to fill his TARDIS with strays has its uses. To keep him busy while she prepares his birthday present, Missy sent him a companion of her own choosing. He found little Clara of his liking and soon they were having fun together. Still are. They run around, he trains her, she grows spoiled. Exactly what Missy wanted. 

Observing them, however, made Missy feel like trying the companion thing again. From a different angle, of course. No more of that awful, awful courtship if she could help it. 

To avoid being bothered, during a much needed break—organizing the afterlife is harder than it looks—she packed a few things and went to another dimension, chosen with the timeless method of throwing darts at a list. The winner: the one where Earth became a colony of that Gem world for a while. Said Gem planet, by the way, doesn't exist anymore in the dimension Missy is from. She just can't remember if she did it personally or if she let the Doctor know what they planned to do with his pet planet. 

Anyway, here she is now, about to get hit by a water balloon, judging by the sound of things. 

Missy opens her umbrella to deflect it, not letting neither her skirt nor shoes get wet by the resulting mess.

"That was so cool!" says a youthful voice, accompanied by the flip-flop of sandals. "That movement was so fast!"

"Why, thank you." Missy replies. "Anyone who tests my reflexes will have reason to regret it. Remember that."

She folds back the umbrella to reveal a chubby little boy smiling at her. There's something odd about his coloring. Some humans turned pink under the sun, yes, but this isn't it. This is spread more evenly, and seemed to go deeper into the skin cells.

"I'll remember! Oh, and I'm sorry about the balloon," he continues, and then his little face becomes a frown of concern. "Um. Aren't you hot with that dress?"

Aha. There it is.

Missy smiles again and says in a most condescending tone, "No. Because I'm an alien and my biology works differently." She makes sure to punctuate the sentence with a playful poke to the child's nose.

He crosses his eyes following his fingers but soon he's shaking his head as he gasps. "Are you a Gem?"

"No. I'm one hundred percent organic. A Time Lady, to be exact."

His eyes sparkle. "As in you have control over time?"

"Time and space. But what a clever boy, regardless. Most adults can't even conceive it."

"Well, I am young and open-minded," he replies in a matter-of-fact tone Missy likes.

"So, you're acquainted with the with the local Gems, I gather?"

"They're called the Crystal Gems now. And I'm one of them!" 

He raises his shirt to show his belly and while Missy at first doesn't want to see, in the end she relents. She crouches down and stares at the gem the boy has in place of a bellybutton. A quartz, which makes him a warrior.

"How interesting," she mutters, standing up again to scan the boy with the device on her wrist. 

A hybrid. Of organic and sentient inorganic matter. Not unheard of, but definitely not common. Besides, with the way the Gems worked—work, in this dimension—, this raises enough questions to keep her busy for a while. 

"What happened to the previous owner of that Gem?" she asks, even if the correct question is, _What happened to the previous consciousness of the Gem?_ , but the child seems to process the world in a too human way.

He pouts and looks to his feet. "My mom and I can't exist at the same time. She gave up her physical form to have me." 

Ah. That does make sense. And it's a good point to start.

"And the donor of the rest of your biological components?"

"You mean my dad?"

"I knew you were smart," she pinches his cheeks. "Yes, I mean your dad."

He boy beams and giggles before answering. "He's the owner of the local car wash. Do you want to meet him?"

So easy to please, this kid is. Human genes do wonders to the Gems, usually so distrusting of anything foreign and so blindly loyal to their Diamonds. Missy doubts this little hybrid has even seen a Diamond before. As she wonders what powers she got from that mother of his and how they're affected by the organic part, she just knows she's found the companion she wanted.

"Not particularly," Missy says. "But hey, I have an idea!" she adds with as much fake enthusiasm as she can muster. "Why don't you join me in the—" conquest is a harsh word "—exploration of other planets?" Yes, that's better. "I'll get you back in five minutes, no matter how long we take."

"You're offering me to travel through time and space?" He breathes the words in awe, but less than a second his expression becomes serious and pensive. "Wait. I did that once. I think. I may have done something that created about a hundred of different versions of me who were fighting each other. But then one of them smashed the time-thingy before I could use it and warned me about my dad not being able to perform with me in the Beach-a-Palooza. And then I watched myself die. A hundred times."

Missy arches an eyebrow. "That's why we don't go crossing our own time streams." Worst stories than that were told in first year of Time Lord Academy to deter the students from, among other things, give themselves the test answers. On the plus side, one less thing to explain. To go over the basics in little words several times is irritating. How does the Doctor do it, really?

"On the other hand," Steven continued, "five minutes is better than the fifty years Pearl said we'd be out there in the spaceship she built. Hmm…" He scratched his chin. "All things considered, it's actually a pretty good deal. Okay," the boy added, all solemnity, "I will help you explore."

"Excellent!" Missy grins and then remembers an important part she's been skipping. "By the way, I'm Missy."

"And I'm—"

"STEVEN!"

Missy looks up and sees the Pearl Steven mentioned running toward them.

"Hi, Pearl! And bye, Pearl! I'll be back in five minutes!"

"Steven, no!"

"Steven, grab my skirt." Even in a hurry, Missy won't offer her hand; she's not wearing gloves today.

The kid reaches for her skirt and Missy gets ready to leave just in time to avoid the spear the Pearl summons from her Gem. It's always so fun to imagine their faces when she does that.

"Garnet warned us about this!" the Pearl exclaims as she threatens Missy with the spear instead of throwing it. Maybe she fears hurting the child. Although her stance isn't bad, which is odd; Pearls are decoration, not fighters. Furthermore, Missy has never heard of a Garnet. Ah. It doesn't matter. She can ask about it literally in a minute, once they reach sometime else. 

Yet, as she's about to press the button she feels a vine coming from behind, wrapping around her torso. She has barely enough time to place her umbrella in front of her, pressing it away from her body so the vine isn't too tight. Without missing a beat, Missy opens the umbrella. It hurts when the vine snaps, but she's had worse.

She turns around half way, the now folded umbrella in her hand, ready to defend herself, one eye on the Pearl and one toward her attacker, who turns out to be an Amethyst with her teeth bared. And standing in front of her there's a tall Gem the likes of which Missy has never heard of. This has to be the Garnet.

"I think you may be confusing me with someone else," Missy starts. 

"Wait!" Steven yells as he steps between her and the others the best he can, arms spread to keep everyone at bay. "It's all right! She promised to bring me back in five minutes!" But his plea doesn't work.

Ignoring the child, the Garnet points at Missy. "This is your only warning. Leave Steven alone and walk away from this planet."

Missy straightens her back and presses the tip of the umbrella to the ground. "I seriously think you've confused me with someone else. But for conversation's sake, I'll play along. Or what, if I stay?"

The Garnet smiles and folds her arms. "Or that."

As soon as she speaks, the sounds of a TARDIS appearing can be heard two streets away. 

Missy's eyes widen. "How—"

"I'll make him owe me a favor," the Garnet says. She then points to the street behind her with her thumb. "Now beat it."

Meanwhile, Stevens looks from one to the other, probably as confused as Missy feels. Not that she'll ever admit it. 

"What's happening?" he asks. "Guys?"

"It happens that our little trip has been canceled," Missy declares, with enough common sense not to pat the boy's head nor to say, _or maybe just delayed._ She plans to come back, of course, to further research into this mess and, of course, patch up her wounded ego. She sighs dramatically and raises her wrist to press the button. "Ta-ta!"

And, with that, she vanishes.

  


*

  


"What was that all about?" Steven asks once the nice lady disappears. "She said she'd take me to explore space and bring me back soon."

"So that woman really wanted to take you away!" Pearl exclaims and jumps to hug him tight.

"Hey, Steven, has your dad never told you not to talk to strangers?" Amethyst says, approaching as well.

"All I'm going to say," Garnet says, "is that you wouldn't have liked what my future vision showed me about her. You don't even want to hear about it."

She sounds final, so Steven has nothing to do but lower his head. 

"Okay," he mumbles, although he hopes to find out the whole truth one day.

Then, a strange man Steven has never seen, comes from around the corner.

"All right, I'm here!" Garnet is the one he addresses. "Where's that place you told me about?"

"Oh, it's you," Pearl says, letting go of Steven to stand up with her arms folded. However, despite the clear disgust in her voice, she doesn't place herself between Steven and the stranger.

Amethysts laughs. "Dude! That's a new package!"

The man spins around to show himself. "Not that new. From my point of view, anyway."

"Come on, everyone. Let's go to the Big Donut," Garnet says, her hand on Steven's shoulder to have him move forward. Not that he needs the encouragement.

"Yay! Big Donut!" he exclaims and bounces the rest of the way.

Steven is used to the Crystal Gems not telling him everything most of the time, but the promise of donuts and a new friend is enough to distract him for the time being. But he won't forget. He'll find the rest of this story in due time. As long as he doesn't cross his time stream, anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure I'll write something else about this. But I'll think about it, since I want to know the answers about the questions I raised with this. XD Yes, I did this to myself.


End file.
